Ask Questions Without Fear

The article about Justin Caldbeck, an early stage VC who not only used his position of power (money) to harass women came out a few days ago. The horrible (no way he didn’t know he was doing wrong) advances he made weren’t that far off of Donald Trump’s “locker talk,” or when Jessica Livingston, co-founder of YC, was hit on by a VC.

I just wrote that sentence and sat here for a minute. Is it weird that I didn’t name Justin’s firm, but I did mention Jessica’s contribution to the startup ecosystem? Do I have to qualify Jessica as accomplished even though she is well known, when I dismissed Justin as “an early stage VC”? What if I am not as attuned to the world as I think I am?

It has taken me days to write this. I usually am done with a post in 30 minutes or so. Several of my friends have read this, because I worry that I am clueless. I have spent the time thinking about how I can be a better person. How I can see things from other’s point of view.

Anyone that uses their position to take advantage of another is someone we need to remove from our community. The outrage so many of us are expressing is the right reaction. IT’S NOT LIKE WE AREN’T TAUGHT DAILY WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT IS WRONG. But, this isn’t about outrage. It isn’t about words. It’s about action. It’s about being better.

We just spent months watching Uber fall apart because of basically the same thing. Men in power misbehaving with women, and thinking it was ok.

Before the Uber bros start commenting on how it was different, a former US Attorney General found that this was true with 47 ways to fix it. Stop.

We have lost the ability to be accepting. Our world has become us versus them, black and white, 0’s and 1’s. When Trump won, I spent months talking to friends about how much they hated (yes, hated!) the people who voted for him. And I spoke to Trump voters that hated (yes, hated!) the people who supported Hillary.

In the past twelve months, the level of hatred among people has exploded. In many ways, it feels like the beginning of the end. I hope not. But I am taking a prepper course.

I love my sisters, my niece and mom. I love each of the women in my life, some that are just friends. I love the men in my life too. My dad, brother in laws and nephews. As long as your center is good, why would anyone be offended by the packaging?

I am not one to bite my lip. I say what I think. Sometimes before the thought is complete. But in the last couple of months, especially after Gamer Gate, Trump, Ellen Pao and Uber and now Justin, I have started to question my “enlightenment.”

I re-read the articles on Justin’s bad behavior dozens of times. I began to realize that all of this bad behavior stems from a place of hate. How else could someone look anyone in the eye and tell them they needed to sleep with them for the potential of a return, unless they hated them?

I am glad we are finally beginning to speak out about something that has weakened and ruined our community for so long. “We,” as in the people whom traditionally hold positions of power. Who have declared themselves “woke.” I have watched people of privilege and power realize that there are others with vastly different upbringings and experiences for the first time, as if women and people of color had materialized out of thin air.

These very same people are finally realizing that all experiences are valid and add to our community. It gives me a glimmer of hope that words will transform into action. That actions will become institutionalized, and over time, diversity will become a word that falls out of usage because it is no longer needed.

I grew up in San Jose. The heart of Silicon Valley where so many of the greatest innovations were born. Venture capital in Silicon Valley started as a way to pay it forward from Lockheed to Fairchild to Intel to Apple and so many others. The Silicon Valley has always held itself to the ideal of innovation driven through collaboration.

How does that work, when we don’t collaborate with everyone?

If this doesn’t change, well, we will continue to become less educated. Less innovative. Less able to compete on a global scale. Less connected. Our social safety nets — our communities — will die in a country that no one wants to live, with the best and brightest in Canada. Or France.

How does it change? Simply. Slowly. Openly. Find someone who is different than you. They could be fat or thin. Young or old. Or female. Or male. Or disabled. Or a recovering addict. Buy two cups of coffee. Respect their time and headspace. Accept not knowing, while knowingly be accepting.

Ask questions without fear.

To simplify, here is my first question: “Hi, my name is Micah, I want to understand. If you have the time and inclination, can you help me learn?”