Stop Asking Me For Introductions; I Only Connect People

My favorite question when someone asks me to introduce them to someone I know is, “Why?”

My favorite follow up question?

“Why?”

I have struggled for much of my life being labeled a connector.

“I just know people,” is a much used retort.

Let’s put this in context. Every day, my inbox, Linkedin, FB and Twitter DMs are filled with people that either want to meet me (usually because they want me to introduce them to someone else, want me to invest or hook them up with AWS credits…which I no longer am involved with, so stop it please.)

As I sit in the airport waiting to board a flight back to SF, I have…I kid you not…nearly 100 introduction requests.

Yes, I am that cool.

Right?

Ok, not really.

I just know a lot of people because I am old.

But it got me thinking about introducers and connectors.

Connectors, as defined in Gladwell’s only good book, The Tipping Point:

These people who link us up with the world … who introduce us to our social circles — these people on whom we rely more heavily than we realize — are Connectors, people with a special gift for bringing the world together.

What Connectors are not, are introducers.

What makes someone a Connector? The first — and most obvious — criterion is that Connectors know lots of people. They are the kinds of people who know everyone. All of us know someone like this. But I don’t think that we spend a lot of time thinking about the importance of these kinds of people. I’m not even sure that most of us really believe that the kind of person who knows everyone really knows everyone.

Introducers look at the creation of the connection as a transaction that includes residual value for the introducer.

Introducers, often are inadvertent sales people who believe that the value they bring is far beyond the connection.

Except it’s not. Because they often will make a check in their mental “You owe me one day,” and never forget it.

How can you tell? Introducers will often answer the question “What can I do for you?” with “Nothing now, but help me out one day.” or something similar.

Connectors? They respond with “Nothing.”

Introducers tend to be deep in a single sphere of influence, while connectors…

…are people whom all of us can reach in only a few steps because, for one reason or another, they manage to occupy many different worlds and subcultures and niches.

We over value the introducers. We marvel at their number of social media connections (especially on Linkedin…the evil LION tag that screams…all of these folks I am connected to as currency that can be traded against.)

Similarly, we incorrectly value the connectors. Connectors often say no. They take time and energy to find the right connection. They will, on occasion, fail. There is no magic, and an introduction isn't equal to a connection.

But, they will sometimes just connect you because they know the connection will be bi-directionally long-term positive. They see the world as an interconnected network of value; a pile of Christmas lights that needs untangling to put the world back into where it should be…a place where each time your phone rings or your notifications dings the other side is value, and the combination is value squared.

Introducers are ubiquitous. They exist in a transactional state of being, feeding their perceived internal value repository one email at a time.

Should you take the introduction? Sure, but know that you are entering a contract, which one day will cause you to be called on to return the favor. In triplicate.

Connectors are rare. They are easy to find, but hard to understand. Most of us don’t trust altruism. Most of us believe in a strict code of quid pro quo.

Most of us don’t want to owe anyone shit.

But know that connectors enjoy making the connection; while introducers enjoy the ultimate payback.

Value the connection. Focus on your contribution to that connection, and you will never need an introduction again.